A chat

2 februari 2002

My mother initially didn’t feel comfortable about the relationship with Claudia. To help alleviate this issue in the hopes to make my mother understand better our relationship, Claudia wrote a letter to her. She sent it to me so I could then translate it. Parts of this letter can be found in the chapter My Rosetta Stone, as it will show indeed, the significance and realness of the relationship we had. After having given my mother the letter and having discussed it, I then went to see Claudia online. It was my evening, and it was her late afternoon. We had a wonderful chat, as so many talks we had were wonderful. Neither could we easily stop talking to each other when it was time for either one to go to bed. Below is the transcript of that chat. It shows that true love is entirely a spiritual mental affair. We have had many such conversations about everything imaginable. Note though, the chat lists my name as ‘MagicBox’ – it was my ICQ nickname. To her it showed my name as ‘Arno’, as the program allowed to change a display name for a user. I had changed hers to say, indeed, ‘Claudia’ rather than her ICQ nickname.

<MagicBox> Hi baby..! *kisses you lovingly*

<Claudia> Hello!

<Claudia> Ooo big letters! lol

<MagicBox> .. are you there ?

<Claudia> So how’d it go? Yes, I’m here.

<MagicBox> yeah, a new install remember ? *grins*

<MagicBox> dang hun am I glad to see you..

<MagicBox> hun.. check wether mike is downloading something hogging up all the bandwith

<MagicBox> takes ages for your text to appear !

<Claudia> ok Mike’s computer is on standby. I told hannah to get off hers.

<MagicBox> At first, we talked about what’s been bingging her and me. We finally got to discuss about how she’s treated me all along during the years, we talked about thee recent arguments, about the things she got upset regarding her computer.. And slowly it got to the point where I gave her the letter. Before I did, she kept on discussing about us. I told to her that I have been talking with you about how she’s been to me. She was like now what the hell did you tell her. I said nothing more but the way you’ve been treating me past week. What it came to that she couldn’t believe at all that we were meant to be, the age difference. Another thing she said was that it hurt her that we (my mom and me) rarely talked past years as I spent much time on my own, and when I met you, with you. And then to have me leave to the usa. We’ve been discussing the fact that she kinda been controlling in my life as well. She always told me what’s wrong, what am I doing wrong. I couldn’t give an answer to that as I recently discovered together with you what really was going on. So we talked about that extensively too. Then she told me about her big worries regarding us. She started out like, well you two met on the internet.. ofcourse you talk about jobs, and you would get to know soon enough that I can do profitable work and so on. She was worried mainly of me being abused. I said to her mom, you should read that letter..

<Claudia> Abused??? in what way would you be abuse???

<MagicBox> That was somewhat the wrong word hun. More like being used. Is still some sort of an abuse. But anyways.. she couldn’t understand what we saw in each other and we discussed the fact that she wouldn’t take my words for their full values. To more we discussed, the more I saw she would have to read that letter as it would tell about all her fears. So in the end..

<Claudia> ok

<Claudia> What was she doing with the letter? Just holding it?

<MagicBox> It was laying on the table while we were talking. Then she eventually picked it up

<Claudia> ok

<Claudia> But she did know it was there, right?

<MagicBox> Yes, cause I handed it to her earlier, telling her that you wrote it to tell more about yourself and about us. I told her and please don’t be like throwing it aside after reading the first line. She was a little offended by that, she said well if you put so much effort in writing this letter then I certainly won’t do that.

<Claudia> Good for you πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> Well.. it took like 15 minutes for her to read. Then she got to the part where you say, “and he communicates” And she stopped reading, telling me like “that’s written deliberately, as to tell me I wouldn’t”. She felt attacked in some way. I said mom, just read on. You’re way wrong, you see it in the wrong context, you’ll see.. I said mom, we shouldn’t be discussing stuff after reading 3 lines each time. Just read on till you’re done. And she did.. πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> When she were done she said, after being silent for a little… If this is true… you will have my blessings.. Her attitude had changed completely. We discussed things some more. She said she hoped we could talk more openly now, as we rarely talked in the past.

<MagicBox> That letter really did help baby.. Then we got to discuss love some more. She couldn’t understand the feelings we have for each other. What was remarkable was, that before she read the letter, that she tried to explain that being in love isn’t knowing what loving someone is. She said, you’ll get to know that when you spend time with each other every day, live together .. as if she had this idea I wouldn’t know what loving someone would be. After she read that letter.. she talked about her love life.. And what she told was that she never felt that with anyone till today.. What she couldn’t understand is that two people would know they’re meant to be. that they’d know that so certain.. I said… well… now that is true love.. She was silent to that. She said she never felt something like that.. I knew that… as she was telling about how she couldn’t understand, I kept thinking.. she doesn’t know what true love is.. I felt sad inside for her..

<Claudia> hold on hun.. question. you said she didn’t know what it was like to feel true love until today. what happened today that made her feel it? meaning.. she still hasn’t felt it. ok πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> No hun, she didn’t get to feel it. I was trying to say that she hasn’t felt it till today. Of how her reaction was, (right) i could see that she was realizing that what we have is true love.. I can’t say she was jealous.. I could feel she turned sad. Admitting that she didn’t feel this with Quinn, though she feels its right being with her..

<MagicBox> And she wanted me to know… whenever things would turn out bad, I could always come home. If I were broke, she’d do anything to get money to get me back home, she were crying when she said that. She wanted me to know I’d always be welcome home.

<Claudia> Well, I’m glad the letter had a positive effect on her. I’m sure she’ll still have reservations about us for awhile, but things will work out and she will see.

<MagicBox> Baby… I love you so terribly much.. It’s the same I told mom too, that I love you so incredibly much

<Claudia> I love you too, baby. I’m glad you got to talk to her and discuss many things that have been left unsaid for a long time.

<MagicBox> Yes, me too.. this is the first night we said goodnight again too after 3 days

<Claudia> I hope she didn’t think in the end that my comment about your good quality of knowing how to communicate with a woman still didn’t offend her.Β Offending her was the farthest thing from my mind when I wrote that. It’s just that she (being a woman) and I know how hard it is to find a man that knows how to communicate.

<MagicBox> No she didn’t. She didn’t have any negative comments to us or the letter.

<Claudia> I swear.. if my first husband could have communicated half as well as you, we might still be married today. I’ve never dated anyone that could express things like you. It’s a rare quality indeed, baby πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> *smiles warmly* Well.. and you can do it well too hun..

<Claudia> I was just trying to point out to her what a rare quality is.

<MagicBox> I can remember many emails in which you expressed your fears or doubts..

<Claudia> good πŸ™‚

<Claudia> I wish I didn’t know about her other remarks though πŸ™

<MagicBox> I know hun.. it’s not necessary to discuss her remark, as it faded immediately as she read on.. πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> I am very sure she feels very uhm.. disappointed about herself having made that remark. It was a long long time ago, somewhere where we met only for one or two months. And it was her being protective, as she knew what happened with me and Sharon too. How that woman deceived and tricked me

<Claudia> Yes, I know. But I can’t help but feel that I’ll always think that your mother thinks I’m a bitch now.

<MagicBox> I can understand that baby.. I can assure you that that thought is far from her mind now though. Before she read that letter she told me I don’t dislike Claudia, I have nothing against her. And after reading it, I could feel she was kinda stunned… to realize my words did carry the value I tried to tell her, to see and find out you’re not out for money or usage, to see that the letter radiates so much love there is between us… I could feel she was kinda sad… As I do know that what we have and feel isn’t given to many people..

<Claudia> I guess that makes me feel a little bit better.

<MagicBox> We talked about it.. Some people find it immediately with the first love they meet… Others will never find it no matter how hard they try..

<Claudia> You are right about that. Look at me.. took me 46 years.

<MagicBox> She wanted the english copy too. Not to see whether I skipped parts or told parts differently but to see what it looked like in your language.. and compare and learn a bit from it

<Claudia> *smiles* typical woman!

<MagicBox> Lol I guess so. Guess I should consider myself one too then !

<Claudia> It is.. it’s a girl thing hehe

<MagicBox> *grins* I would be like that too…

<Claudia> that’s why we communicate so well. I think half in man, and you think half in woman. lol

<MagicBox> When I got back at the computer I saw you were on your way home.

<Claudia> I swear it’s true!

<MagicBox> *grins* hehe you’re completely right there baby.. πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> That’s what I’m saying !

<Claudia> some men only think in men terms. Some women only think in women terms. We think in both.

<MagicBox> That helps us understand eachother so much better πŸ™‚

<Claudia> Yes, it does. It helps immensely!

<Claudia> It’s one of the things I like about you πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> *smlies big here*

<MagicBox> I can say the same baby

<Claudia> It’s probably one of the biggest things that make us connect.

<Claudia> Where’s mine and your chat going????

<Claudia> mine is scrolling way up!!

<MagicBox> huh ?

<MagicBox> I’m still typing at the bottom of my box

<Claudia> your’s just disappeared off the screen entirely.

<Claudia> not me.. I’m typing on line 5

<MagicBox> oo I must have been typing too much making the chat clear up itself

<Claudia> and everytime I return.. my text goes up another 2 lines. now I only have 4 lines showing.

<Claudia> now only 2!

<Claudia> and only 1 now!!

<MagicBox> That’s weird… here it still looks finel…

<Claudia> and now it’s gone! lol

<MagicBox> Can you still see mine ?

<Claudia> I can’t see any of mine now.

<Claudia> yes, but yours is scrolling up too lol

<Claudia> I can only see 3 lines of yours now.

<MagicBox> hehe you’re making tonnes of typos now baby *grins amusingly*

<Claudia> huh? what typos???

<MagicBox> well since you can’t see what you type *winks*

<Claudia> Yes, I can. it just scrolls way up after I return

<Claudia> down here

<MagicBox> I were trying to tease you baby hehe

<Claudia> *throws a pillow at you!!*

<MagicBox> lol

<MagicBox> *sighs deeply*

<Claudia> so you think things will be different between you and your mom now?

<MagicBox> Yes, most likely baby

<MagicBox> I felt she was way more supporting now

<Claudia> I’m very, very glad of that πŸ™‚ That makes my heart feel so much better.

<Claudia> Did Erik try and interrupt at any time?

<MagicBox> No, he were in bed long before…

<Claudia> good place for him hehe what a sleepyhead! lol

<MagicBox> hehe right.. πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> But.. what I were trying to say, when I got back at the computer you were on your way home already.

<MagicBox> *smiles* I can’t say thanks enough for you to have written that letter baby

<Claudia> Well, I’m glad that letter helped. It was as much for my benefit as it was for yours.

<Claudia> as a whole πŸ™‚

<Claudia> that way you got the full feeling of what was said.

<Claudia> Well, thank you for translating it for me baby. I was kind of hoping to send the english version in an email and then you could hand her the translated version. I wanted her to know it came from me. But I know she knows that. So it doesn’t matter.

<MagicBox> I understand baby… There would no way in the world that I would be making up this letter… *grins*

<Claudia> Oh, I know that hun. I just wanted her to receive the letter directly from me. But that was in the beginning.

<MagicBox> So I felt like launching that letter again, and read it. The dutch version. When I translated it I just read over the parts I were working on, now I read it as one uhm..stuck here.. as a whole yes.. πŸ™‚ And I have to say.. inspite of a few typos, mostly missed keys, I did a good job at translating itself.. πŸ™‚ It didn’t miss out on any expressions what so ever.

<MagicBox> *nods*..

<MagicBox> You know.. it was nice reading it _as a whole_ in my own language.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> Well, I know you did a special job translating that hun. I am sure you had the right contexts and everything. Since you know me so well.. I had no fears of your translating it.

<MagicBox> I’m not talking about translating now.. Just to read the contents in my own language..

<Claudia> I know, but I just wanted to say thank you again πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> *smiles warmly* Thank you too baby..

<Claudia> You’re welcome, hun *smiles*

<MagicBox> dang baby… if only I could be in your arms right now and drift of into a nice night of sleep together..

<Claudia> that would be very nice

<MagicBox> I feel this urge very much right now baby.. I want to be close to you.. not mindwise only.. but to feel your love and warmth as we hold eachother

<Claudia> I would like that very much too baby. soon!

<MagicBox> ooo! did Rusty give you your paycheck today ? Yes.. soon baby… *looks to the left, watching those tickets*

<Claudia> Yes, he did. He was kind of late getting them to us, but we got them. I’ll have to go deposit mine in the morning.

<MagicBox> hehe just as I have to deposit some πŸ™‚

<Claudia> aye πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> Well.. I’ll be thinking of you when I go to the bank hehe

<Claudia> hun.. one of these days soon, we probably should talk about money. I mean… I don’t want you to go blindly into this relationship wihtout knowing my financial situation. Not that there’s anything bad about it, mind you.

<MagicBox> I know baby.. just so we know about eachother’s fin. situation and get a feeling of it.. so it can eventually grow together

<Claudia> exactly. I don’t want you to say someday.. “you didn’t tell me you were paying off this loan! or that credit card! or something like that.

<MagicBox> Aye.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> but I can assure you.. I’m not half in debt as most americans are πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> We’ll do great on that baby.. Like I told you before… I would trust you my creditcard blindly

<Claudia> I think so baby. I mean.. if things work out… this house could be half yours. I mean.. should something happen to me.. you would inherit it.

<MagicBox> *nods*.. but let’s not think about something happening to you baby..

<Claudia> Eventually, when you get over here for good.. I will need to make you a beneficiary on alot of insurance policies, etc. Most of these things would normally go to my kids now if something happened to me. I don’t know what I will decide to do though…

<MagicBox> Aye, I know.. especially cause of I’ll have to find a job first.. and like you said, then we can do what’s best for us.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> I mean.. I want my kids to be able to live in this house. But what happens if something happens to me.. [ex-husband] would probably want the kids, etc. I know we’ll have to discuss things like that eventually. But I don’t know if that is what would happen. I honestly don’t.

<MagicBox> I have been thinking abou that frankly.. That if I’d be living there with you quite some time, that something could happen to you.. To myself I thought, I’d take care for your children best I could. But I can understand they would go back to [ex-husband]. I were just thinking that if they’d ever need support, I’d be there for them. Let’s just not think of something happening to you.. and if something does… I’d better have a good job.. which I’m not too affraid of not getting one.

<Claudia> I appreciate that baby. That makes me feel good. But I don’t know if I’d want you to be burdened by that either. I mean.. it takes alot of money to raise kids.

<MagicBox> I understand baby..

<Claudia> But their dad… I don’t know if he’d want them fulltime either. I just don’t know. I know.. I keep thinking.. the best thing if something were to happen to me, is that it would happen after the kids were gone out of the house anyways. Then the house would automatically go to you. I don’t particularly want [ex-husband] to have the house. I’ve paid on this house by myself for a long, long time.

<MagicBox> I think I’d stay there the rest of my life..

<Claudia> Well, hehe, it needs fixing up alot. I don’t know if you’d want it either.

<MagicBox> I don’t know..

<Claudia> hehe yes, but it’s something that I do think about now and then. But we’ll discuss houses, etc. when you get over here permanently. But I do want you to be aware of bills, etc. before you come. I only mention them cause if you wanted to buy a big fancy car or something.. we might not be able to afford a luxury like that. But if your wages were good enough, you could.

<MagicBox> that’s too far into the future yet

<Claudia> Well, I think about how my life will change when we are married.

<MagicBox> Aye.. *smiles* hun… all I need in my life is you and basic stuff to keep us alive… Yes, it will be a major impact to both of us.. but a nice, wonderful road to look forward to.. πŸ™‚ I am very preserving with my money, I like to save up money I don’t need to keep me alive. Just to have a good buffer in case something happens where I’m gonna need lots of money

<Claudia> Yes, and for the first time in 20 years, I’m actually ready to share everything that I own and have with someone. I would like to do that too. And maybe.. for the first time in my life, I might actually get ahead and be able to do that. I don’t know. I only know we won’t go into debt. Y aknow hun.. I wouldn’t even let someone like Tom see my paycheck, let alone deposit it into an account. With you.. it’s so completely different. I can’t explain it. I think I might even be able to let go of my independence a little hehe

<MagicBox> *smiles warmly* I feel the same about mine baby.. to share everything with you.. we’re one together *kiss*

<Claudia> It’s just so weird to me to feel these things sometimes. It’s not only that though.. I mean.. with [ex-husband]. He spent my money faster than I could make it. I always felt like I had to hide some away from him. But I couldn’t hide it. He got it faster than I could hide it either. I think I got independent when I was still married to him.

<MagicBox> I know what you’re saying baby.. it’s the indefinate trust, the same thing I feel with you too.. πŸ™‚ I can imagine, after being independant for so many years.. Finances are pretty personal in these days life. I couldn’t imagine me doing something like that hun.. I have too much selfrespect for that, and besides, I’m too proud to live off someone else’s money.

<Claudia> I couldn’t either hun. That’s why I can trust you. I know I can. I mean.. he’d get my check.. deposit it.. write out the bills and leave me nothing. then he’d cash his check and spend it on what he wanted. That hurt me alot. But I know you won’t do that to me.

<MagicBox> I can tell you baby… something like that would never happen with us.. It must have disappointed you badly..

<Claudia> Yes.. disappointment is a good word to discribe it.

<MagicBox> That you are telling about that you even might want to share with me after 20 years… Understanding from where you’re coming, that means a whole darn lot to me baby.. *kisses you tenderly* I love you too baby.. so very very much,,,

<Claudia> *smiles and kisses you back* I love you baby. I sitll can’t believe some of the walls you’ve torn down with me. hehe you amaze me.

<MagicBox> *smiles, grinning a bit* like which walls baby.. ?

<Claudia> Oh, I think you know about most of them.

<MagicBox> Yes I do…

<Claudia> Oh, I think you know about most of them. We’ve talked through so many of them over the months. I think sometimes I don’t know a wall has been broken down though until I find myself thinking in a new manner. And I think.. “Where’d that come from???” And then I realize that the wall is no longer there.

<MagicBox> though you never said “now that was one of my walls”.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> I can tell about specific walls.. which you already know of.. my insecurities when it comes to my being overweight, etc. Some night we’ll lay in bed and I will tell you all of the ones that I am conscious of πŸ™‚ lol maybe.. maybe not hehe

<MagicBox> I can understand you baby.. πŸ™‚ Would we get to sleep baby ? hehe I love you so much baby

<Claudia> it’s just like this money thing, hun. I dont’ know exactly when I changed my thinking. For the longest time I thought I was greedy and just wanted my money for myself. But I know that’s not true anymore. I think I just couldn’t trust anyone else. So my thinking I was greedy has been false all along. Ya know what I mean?? Yes πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> Yeah I do baby… finding an ‘excuse’ to cover up a bad realization..

<Claudia> But I find myself wanting to share more and more with you.. not just money, or love.. but things so dear to my heart.

<MagicBox> I know baby… I feel the very same.. For instance… I never shared my background or life in the past with anyone else where it came to my heart and the wrong things I have done. The situation at home here and such.. immaterial things, but vulnerable things.. The fact of being known by someone.. I shared a whole lot of those with you already, and you know baby.. it feels good to be able to share it with you.

<Claudia> I feel the same way hun.

<MagicBox> I’m like you, I trust nobody, till I assured myself someone can be trusted and you bet they’ll have to prove it and then only I give them the trust they give me.

<Claudia> It feels right and natural. It’s why I love you so much baby πŸ™‚ You give me so many things in your life freely.

<MagicBox> That is because I love you and trust you.. πŸ™‚ I know you really do love me for who I am.. I feel loved by you baby.. I can feel it comes from your heart

<Claudia> And vice versa hun. I feel loved by you too hun. And it makes me love you even more.

<Claudia> Anyways.. I should let you get to bed. I haven’t even fed the kids yet.

<MagicBox> hehe poor kids.. *grins*

<Claudia> Well, I was going to feed them the leftover pizza we had . I got two the other night and we ate one for dinner. I told them not to eat the other one. But.. they did! Now we have no dinner! grrr

<MagicBox> haha I betcha it was Mike.. right ?lol

<Claudia> It was Mike and Becca. And probably Hannah had a slice or two that she isn’t telling me about either

<MagicBox> She’s cute hun πŸ™‚

<Claudia> lol Yes, she is.

<MagicBox> *yawns big* can you believe ? going towards 3am already here

<Claudia> She’s a very special little girl. yes.. I’ve been watching the clock.

<Claudia> And you thought you were goign to come home and fall into bed.. *grins*

<MagicBox> hehe yeah.. but if I would do that, this evening would have been as good as it has been.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> Aye, it has turned out good. I am so glad your mom has taken a step in the right direction of understanding us. Even if it’s a little step.. it’s still the right direction.

<MagicBox> Yes me too baby, that means a whole lot to me.. I really felt sad, not feeling any support from her. Well she did say she wanted me to be happy, but that was shallowed by all her actions and remarks..

<Claudia> I don’t know, obviously, what impact this has had on her, but my letter must have set her back a second or two. Just think though, hun.. if I had not written the letter, you two might never have talked at all. so regardless of what the letter had in it.. it was a bridge for you two to talk and get closer. And THAT is major!

<MagicBox> hehe yes it is.. πŸ™‚ Though I don’t doubt we would get to talk someday otherwise… but now it all fell together nicely.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> Yes, it did πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> oh baby I just wish so much I were there.. πŸ™

<Claudia> I wish you were too hun. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make not only the next 3 weeks go away, but the next 3 months! Then you’d be here for good!

<MagicBox> Well let”s log onto UO, get a rune and some regs, mark that rune in your home and send it to me lol

<Claudia> hehe I like that idea!!

<Claudia> Hell, baby.. I’ll just send a gate over for you πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> I know, I’m nuts… I have a big fantasy hehe

<MagicBox> Oh yeah, no waiting three weeks for the thing to arrive lol if that’d gonna take three weeks well I could use those tickets just as well as that will be only 21 more days !

<Claudia> well. it’s only 20 more days baby… it’s the 2nd there, isn’t it?

<MagicBox> Yes it is.. and guess what… I don’t know if you heard anything about it… our prince, Willem Alexander is going to marry Maxima today.

<Claudia> Hmm. no, I didn’t know that. congrats to the prince!

<MagicBox> It’s no loss hun lol

<Claudia> I’ll send him an email hehe

<Claudia> I think I’d have a better chance sending a card through the snailmail hehe

<MagicBox> hehe you could try *grins* Holland always had a monarchy.. but people ain’t too fond of it. Others are. Mostly it’s a money-eating propagenda thing

<Claudia> Well, our government likes to eat money too hehe

<MagicBox> Well taxes have to be paid everywhere.. *grins*

<Claudia> Same here

<Claudia> Baby.. you should get some sleep now.

<Claudia> I know you’re not going to get up until noon now hehe

<MagicBox> *yawns big* yeah I know.. you bet I’ll sleep like a rock tonight.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> I might even be up before you!! lol

<MagicBox> well I don’t think so as you get up by 4pm my time mostly.. I won’t be in bed that long hehe

<Claudia> well, I will be going to bed in just a few hours now. I know you sleep longer than me *grins*

<MagicBox> Though I have to be up before 11:30 cause the bank will be closed at 12:30

<Claudia> well, let’s get you to bed then hun. cause I know you’ll want those 8 hours of sleep.

<MagicBox> hehe you know me too well baby *kiss*

<Claudia> hehe yup

<Claudia> I keep thinking about how this is going to work when you get here… me getting up at 5:30, etc. Every morning I’ve been trying to get out of bed pretending you are here and what I am doing that might impact your sleeping. I can only say.. you’ll probably get woke up every morning πŸ™

<Claudia> I don’t know how to make the shower any less noisy.. or the alarm clock.. or the kids.

<Claudia> snoring.. I see it coming!

<MagicBox> lol that’s cute.. πŸ™‚ Well hun.. after having had a few nights of lack of sleep, I will sleep through any noise as I’d be too tired.. and hun.. when we’re together, I will be going to bed the same time as you do.. perhaps earlier to avoid trying to fall asleep while these DC10s are flying over hehe

<MagicBox> We’ll do fine baby.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> I think so πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> Remember that that week I had to adjust to your time too.. and to fully adjust a schedule it will take more than an week I’m sure.

<MagicBox> But once I’m on the right schedule we’ll both do fine.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> Yes, it will. I imagine it felt weird to go to bed with someone else in the bed with you too.

<MagicBox> No it wasn’t.. I mean… when I were little I used to sleep at friend’s too. Not in the same bed though. And when my bro and me stayed at grandparents we slept in a foldable bed, two persons.

<Claudia> Yes, but as an adult it must have felt weird. no?

<MagicBox> Not really… it felt comfortable.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> Good πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> It was wonderful to look at you, while you were sleeping, your closed eyes, seeing your lips curled up a little..

<Claudia> *translates that to mean.. while you were keeping me up with your snoring!!”

<MagicBox> no..! It was in the mornings when I woke up before you did.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> lol

<Claudia> you want to hear something funny?

<MagicBox> tell me ?

<Claudia> I’m going to miss us chatting on icq, etc. sometimes it forces us to talk deeper than we might normally do because we can’t see each others expressions, etc. I hope we never lose that in (*well, this is r/l) but you know what I mean.

<MagicBox> I know… but the moments in real live that would comparable to this would be when we’d be laying in bed, before going to sleep… looking at the ceiling… letting our thoughts go and once in a while talk about something..

<Claudia> yeah, but laying there.. you might never mention things like my lips curling up hehe

<MagicBox> hehe that’s true.. πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> The things we tell now is because we’re appart and we’re telling about the things we remembered when being together..

<Claudia> so maybe we’ll have to plan a night where you get on your laptop in the living room and I got on this compuer and we have a chat night!

<MagicBox> I’ve been thinking about this too hun..

<MagicBox> hehe yeah… you know hun…. there was this thought I once had… that communicating by this means could be a teraphy for people who have trouble communicating… cause it indeed makes you say things more easyly

<Claudia> Yes, I agree totally.

<MagicBox> But I’m sure we won’t have trouble communicating at all.. I only need to think about that friday.. the little argue we had in the morning, where I decided to leave your bedroom and go to the living room. You followed me shortly afterwards, where we started to talk.. ending up in each others arms in the end, having even more understanding of eachother πŸ™‚

<Claudia> hehe I was just thinking about that. I think about that day alot sometimes. But I wish we hadn’t agrued first to get us to that point.

<MagicBox> I know hun… but unfortunately arguments make one wanting to talk and explain about things you don’t normally talk about when things are alright

<Claudia> yes, you have a point there. ok.. so we should just remember that if we get into an arguement, someone really wants to talk! πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> hehe maybe…! πŸ™‚ You know hun… that really could be it

<Claudia> You know what else.. I’d like us to have a night each week where we can be alone and go someplace. It could be our date night!

<MagicBox> oo that sounds very nice baby.. πŸ™‚ Just some place to ourselves where we can talk about things that occupy us and such..

<Claudia> I have never been able to get any other man to want to do that though. Well, that plus a night away from the kids.

<MagicBox> Would be something like chatting , except for that we’ll be together πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> I would like having such a night to ourselves… πŸ™‚ I can’t believe that the men you met didn’t want to do that… I mean.. we love each other.. and such a thing would be a nice escape from home and everything, a moment to be devoted to eachother completely

<Claudia> I think the kids will be something you’ll have to adjust to.

<MagicBox> Yes… I have been thinking about that too. It will mean I’ll have to show responsibility and be the good example. And you know hun… I don’t mind being put in that position as it will be good for me too

<Claudia> Well, I was thinking more along the lines that it’s going to be a period of adjustment to you not ever having privacy anymore. hehe

<MagicBox> True.. but what I told you will be of importance too..

<Claudia> I’m sure we can arrange it, baby πŸ™‚ It doesn’t take a lot of money to go once a week and share some time together.

<MagicBox> That’s true.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> Well,.. I need to say this too… I couldn’t always just up and leave my kids for the evening. Now I can because they are older. I can remember the days of not being able to run to the store for a pack of cigarettes and leaving little kids in the house alone. So alot has changed in that respect. *sighs* so much to talk about and so little time left tonight. I love talks with you like this one πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> I know baby… I can’t believe I’m still awake and still somewhat being able to reasonably talk.. hehe

<Claudia> Yeah, I’m impressed! You’re typing ok too! lol

<MagicBox> lol *throws that saved up pillow back at ya&
<MagicBox> *

<Claudia> hehe You’re cute, baby *kiss*

<MagicBox> hehe

<Claudia> Butl… the kids keep coming in here asking for dinner. Becca has it all figured out. She watches toooo many commercials! She wants a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, mashed potatoes and biscuits.

<MagicBox> hehe a meal that will cost too much money *grins*

<Claudia> Actually, it’s cheaper than buying a pizza. and it’s better for you too! and we all like it πŸ™‚

<Claudia> so I just might have to run and get that chicken.

<MagicBox> Well.. I guess she determined your dinner then lol

<Claudia> Yeah, cause I figure that at this point, I’ll have to get back in the car and go get something. She even checked out the fridge and reported back to me that there was nothing to eat. lol I told her I already knew this. and I thanked her again for eating the pizza we were going to have. lol Becca likes to eat πŸ™

<MagicBox> hehe she’s desperate for that chicken huh ?

<Claudia> yeah, they’d really like it if I told them to eat cereal. THAT would teach them!

<MagicBox> lol that’l teach her *grins*

<Claudia> but if I go get that chicken, then she’ll learn that she can eat up everything in the house and not to worry cause mom will just go get more!

<MagicBox> lol you’re cute baby.. πŸ™‚ So you’re faced with a dillemma now..! Go fix some cereal for them baby lol

<Claudia> hell, they can fix their own cereal! pour it in a bowl and throw some milk on it. requires no cooking on my part πŸ™‚ and I think cereal sounds good right now!! I am not really hungry anyways. I had a big lunch. I’d probably lose some weight if I stopped cooking for these kids. I am usually not hungry for dinner anyways.

<MagicBox> *grins* dang hun, I’m yawning big here … tears are starting to roll along my cheeks hehe

<Claudia> *wipes a tear away* go get some sleep baby. I’ll see tomorrow πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> Definately baby.. I can’t wait to see you.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> hehe after all this talking tonight.. I have NO clue what I’m going to write about tonight in your morning note! lol I might just say.. we had cereal!! lol and close the letter lol

<MagicBox> hehe that’d be your first one-liner note baby *grins*

<Claudia> well, I think we covered just about everything else tonight lol

<MagicBox> Yeah we did.. πŸ™‚ This was a long, nice talk baby.. I really enjoyed it πŸ™‚

<Claudia> Yeah, it was πŸ™‚ I thoroughly enjoyed it πŸ™‚

<Claudia> I hope we never stop talking like this.

<MagicBox> I love you babycakes.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> I love you too, babycakes!

<Claudia> You are my everything πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> As you are mine too baby… πŸ™‚

<Claudia> now sleep!!

<Claudia> *smiles and kisses you one last time*

<MagicBox> Will you be over soon baby ?

<Claudia> oh yes.. much sooner than you think πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> lol you might catch me still awake ! Though I doubt that

<Claudia> I might just go to bed after that cereal hehe

<Claudia> one question.. did you tell your mom about that nightmare?

<MagicBox> No way… it would scare her and cause unnecessary stress

<MagicBox> Thanks for reminding me to it again lol

<Claudia> ok, good. but I can’t help but think the stress she’s been causing you manifested itself that night.

<MagicBox> I’m pretty much sure of that baby

<Claudia> lol better check under your bed before turning out those lights!!

<MagicBox> hehe a one eyed man might be lurking there !

<MagicBox> oo ! He just said hi to me lol

<Claudia> ewww… I hope not! ewww… better watch your ankles as you get into bed.

<MagicBox> *grins* you are funny baby πŸ™‚

<Claudia> didn’t you hate that when you were a kid? you were always afraid something would grab you from under the bed?

<MagicBox> hmm no.. I were never affraid of that actually.. not that I can remember

<Claudia> that’s good! Becca was terrified there were buggie men in the house. I had to tape her closet door shut every single night before she could sleepj.

<MagicBox> I can see that.. no.. my scaring things always have been dreams.. not of monsters whatsoever hiding in my room

<Claudia> Hannah was the one that never worried about that either.

<Claudia> I did though.. when I was a kid.

<Claudia> and when I read Stephen King novels hehe

<MagicBox> hehe yeah… πŸ™‚

<Claudia> ok.. now go to bed!! lol

<MagicBox> hehe I guess we’ve been trying to get me to bed for over 40 minutes now huh ?

<Claudia> Yeah, I’d like to take you to bed! *grins*

<MagicBox> well I would like to take you to bed as well.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> Well, you can in 20 days! πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> I don’t think we’d get to sleep for another two hours there

<MagicBox> *slides one finger along your cheek*

<MagicBox> Yes.. 20 more days… will be nice baby

<Claudia> *smiles* you sleep good tonight baby. you’ll be in my heart and in my dreams tonight. And I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

<MagicBox> You’ll be in mine too baby till I see you again.. πŸ™‚ I’ll be thikning of you.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> and don’t oversleep tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you as I do every minute.

<MagicBox> *squeezes you so tight to me*

<Claudia> *hugs you close* I love you, baby

<MagicBox> Just crawl on top of me and cover me with your love.. πŸ™‚

<Claudia> *smiles* I will do that, hun πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> promise I won’t sufficate hehe

<Claudia> can’t pjromise that! lol

<MagicBox> hehe I love you baby, so much !

<Claudia> I might smother you with love πŸ™‚

<MagicBox> I would like that baby.. πŸ™‚ *kisses you one last time*

We really had trouble parting from each other most of my nights. To that end, we came up with a solution. We would, both at the same time, count to three and then disconnect. This way, it would leave us no longer an easy way to just continue talking, being drawn towards each other. And even then, the countdowns at the end of an evening didn’t always stop us from continuing to talk ha ha.

<Claudia> You ready?

<MagicBox> Yeah.. I guess so..

<Claudia> 1

<MagicBox> 1


<Claudia> 2

<MagicBox> ..

<MagicBox> 2

<Claudia> lol

<Claudia> 3

<MagicBox> hehe bad huh ?

<Claudia> yes

<MagicBox> 3

<Claudia> nite, nite hun! I love you!!

<MagicBox> nite nite baby, love you !!

<Claudia> go poof now

End of Chat Session